Funny Sayings, Quotes, and Phrases. Enjoy. I hope these may brighten up someones day Its true that we dont know what weve got until we lose it, but its also true that we dont know what weve been missing until it arrives. The only way to keep your health is to eat what you dont want, drink what you dont like, and do what youd rather not. Mark Twain. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures. George W. Bush. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. Star Trek Online Collector S Edition Walmart Stores. The road to success is always under construction. Where there is a will, there are 5. Homemade fortune cookies are a fun addition to a dinner gathering or party. You can even give a gift along with a fortune inside of a cookieshaped box. Make your own. This July, we asked for software tips from the 2017 Microsoft Office National Champions, a set of charming teens who are officially the best at using PowerPoint, Word. Inspiring quotes on creating by offthegrid creators and a voice over by Idea Champions CoFounder, Mitch Ditkoff. MitchDitkoff. com. Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 09. Presentation Quotes Speeches. Find presentation quotes and speeches for your presentations and examples of persuasive speech topics. You can find good persuasive. Funny Quotes About Microsoft Word' title='Funny Quotes About Microsoft Word' />Wear short sleeves. Support your right to bare arms When everythings coming your way, youre in the wrong lane. Join The Army. Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them. I poured spot remover on my dog. Now hes gone. Death is hereditary. Funny Quotes About Microsoft Word' title='Funny Quotes About Microsoft Word' />You will find fun things on many pages of SeniorARK. But this page is JUST FOR FUN. What happens at SeniorArk Just for Fun. Free inspirational posters 2 free posters of quotes, motivational, inspirational and funny sayings free posters for work, offices, education and fun. When youre right, no one remembers. When youre wrong, no one forgets. Cheer up, the worst is yet to come. If you cant see the bright side of life, polish the dull side. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. I stopped fighting my inner demons, were on the same side now. Well behaved women rarely make history. I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. He who laughs last, didnt get it. We live in an age where pizza gets to your home before the police. Im an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. Cheese. milks leap toward immortality. You have a cough Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex Lax. Tomorrow youll be afraid to cough. Hes so optimistic hed buy a burial suit with two pairs of pants. Half of the people in the world are below average. I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. It is not my fault that I never learned to accept responsibilityBefore marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the Y becomes silent. Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didnt. USA Today has come out with a new survey Apparently three out of four people make up 7. Constipated people dont give a crap. Why does a slight tax increase cost you 2. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy. A word to the wise aint necessary, it is the stupid ones who need all the advice. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own. Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. Ham and eggsa days work for a chicken a lifetime commitment for a pig. I am so clever that sometimes I dont understand a single word of what I am saying. When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. If you cant live without me, why arent you dead yet Id like to help you out. Which way did you come in If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten. You couldnt get a clue during the clue mating season in a field full of horny clues if you smeared your body with clue musk and did the clue mating dance. It is a damned poor mind indeed that cant think of at least two ways of spelling any word. In three words I can sum up everything Ive learned about life It goes on. Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home. Horse sense is a good judgment which keeps horses from betting on people. I dont deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I dont deserve that either. Age is a question of mind over matter. If you dont mind, age dont matter. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close knit family in another city. Dont tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon. The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name I dont suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. I get enough exercise pushing my luck. Sometimes I wake up grumpy other times I let her sleep. I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. The more people I meet, the more I like my dog. Youre just jealous because the voices only talk to me. I got a gun for my wifebest trade Ive ever made. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. To all you virgins, thanks for nothing. Beauty is a light switch away. The evening news is where they start by saying good evening, and proceed by telling you why its not. There are three kinds of people in this world those who can count and those who cant. When life hands you lemons, make lemonade, find the person that life handed vodka to, and have a party. Barbie is so popular then why do we buy her friends and boyfriendsGod created the world, everything else is made in China. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, youll be a mile from them, and youll have their shoes. Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections Practice doesnt make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect. Those who throw dirt only lose ground. You never truly understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother. Error. No keyboard. Press F1 to continue. Experience is what you get when you didnt get what you wanted. Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest. This sentence is a lie. Men are like parking stalls. All the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped Change is good, but dollars are better. How is it that fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing Native Americans discover Columbus lost at sea. Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs harder. Everyone hates me because Im paranoid. Solution to two of the worlds problem feed the homeless to the hungry. You laugh because Im different, I laugh because I just farted Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving doorSilence is golden, but duck tape is silver. When life gives you melons. Theres no I in team, but there is in win. Those who criticize our generation seem to forget who raised it Man who goes to bed with an itchy butt. Children in the back seat cause accidents, accidents in the back seat cause children The only good thing about going bra less at my age is that it pulls the wrinkles right out of my face. How do you know when you are too drunk to driveWhen you swerve to miss a tree.